Finally, a happy story for once. Outbursts of irrepressible joy erupted throughout the exclusive island community of Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts, last night. For hundreds of years, Martha's Vineyard has suffered from the soul crushing effects of its own Whiteness. Island residents understood there was only one cure. They badly needed diversity. In fact, they often said so, but despite their very best efforts over many years, diversity never came to Martha's Vineyard. It was tragic.
Imagine an 18th century British frigate adrift on the high seas with no lines, sailors slowly going mad, convulsing, dying, excruciating deaths from scurvy. That was Martha's Vineyard, except it wasn't lime juice they lacked. They had plenty of that because you can't make a gin and tonic without it. What Martha's Vineyard lacked was diversity, which is to say strength. Martha's Vineyard was a very weak place. As of yesterday morning, that island was 89% White, monochromatic and utterly homogenous. Nearly everybody there was a rich Democrat. 80% voted for Joe Biden. The median home price was over $1,000,000. And then in a single blessed moment, everything changed. Relief arrived for an unlikely source.
Governor Ron DeSantis of Florida, having made his own state a paradise, decided to help other states desperately in need. So yesterday, the center sent 50 illegal aliens, most of them from Venezuela, to the Martha's Vineyard Airport. They traveled from San Antonio to the Florida Panhandle and filing to their new home on Martha's Vineyard. CBS Boston reports that after landing, the group wandered about three and a half miles from the airport into town, thereby instantly improving it. You can imagine the unrestrained jubilation on Martha's Vineyard tonight, long-suffering islanders finally rescued from their own oppressive Whiteness. In fact, let's go there now to check in on the celebrations.
Well, that's not expected. Obviously, there has been a mistake. No, our producers are telling us there are no technical problems. That is, in fact, a live shot from Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts, right now, but where were the weeping, joyful crowds? Where was the champagne and the ticker tape? We expected Times Square and V-J Day. What we got was a cemetery at midnight. What? But maybe it's not so confusing. Maybe things aren't as they seem. Our first clue is Barack Obama. Barack Obama is a part-time resident of Martha's Vineyard. Obama is also, of course, as you know, the country's greatest proponent of diversity. For years, Obama earnestly told us that immigrants were better than Americans. They were holy. They make our country strong.
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BARACK OBAMA: America is—and always has been—a nation of immigrants. Throughout our history, immigrants have come to our shores in wave after wave from every corner of the globe. Every one of us, unless we're Native American, has an ancestor who was born somewhere else. That's what makes America special. That's what makes a strong. The basic idea of welcoming immigrants to our shores is central to our way of life. It is in our DNA.
So, that was basically the whole presidency right there for eight years. Obama hectoring us about diversity, but he didn't just talk about it. He spent his two years in office making certain that places like Des Moines, Iowa and Portland, Maine became much less White than they previously had been because, as he so often told us, Whiteness is bad. It's a disease. So, we recall being a little confused when we read that Barack Obama had spent $12 million to buy an eight-bathroom oceanfront property on Martha's Vineyard, which is one of the Whitest places on Earth. Really, Martha's Vineyard? Why not Baltimore or Gary, Indiana? Is there really no real estate left in Detroit for the Obama family compound? There's got to be. What's going on here? We didn't know.
And then in 2019, Michelle Obama explained it to us. Listen to this.
MICHELLE OBAMA: We grew up in the period, as I write, called "White flight." That is families like ours, upstanding families like ours, you know, who were doing everything we were supposed to do and better, as we moved in, White folks moved out because they were afraid of what our families represented, and I always stop there when I talk about this out in the world, because, you know, I want to remind White folks that y'all were running from us. And you're still running because we're no different than the immigrant families that are moving in, the families in Pilsen, the families that are coming from other places to try to do better and so, yeah, I feel a sense of injustice.
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So, there she was, reminding White folks who badly needed reminding that the Obamas are "no different from the immigrant families moving in" because White people hate them, too. They're still running, as she just said. So that explained it to us. The Obamas were, in fact, despised immigrants. So, when they moved to a $12 million seaside compound on Martha's Vineyard, the point is not to live in luxury with other rich people. No, obviously. The point is to diversify Martha's Vineyard, to strike a blow for justice. That makes sense to us and we felt better.
But then last night happened and we started to rethink our assumptions about the Obamas, about a lot of things, because a planeload of highly diverse immigrants arrived on Martha's Vineyard to join the Obamas, but the Obamas didn't welcome them. There was not a word from Barack or Michelle Obama. Barack wasn't waiting at the airport to greet the diversifiers with flowers. He didn't issue a statement of congratulations. He didn't invite a single Venezuelan to his home. How come?
Could it be that Barack Obama isn't really actually in real life in favor of diversity at all? Could it be that Barack Obama strongly prefers blond SoulCycle moms and Lululemon to sweaty Third World campesinos and dirty work pants? Could it be? We can't say. But we can tell you that if you want to find out what people really think, go ahead and ignore what they say and watch how they live and by that measure, the one that matters, Barack and Michelle Obama are every bit as bigoted as any board member in any restricted country club in the Deep South, assuming those still exist. "Those people? They're not dating my daughter. I could tell you that."
So, the words we learned this week that Barack Obama really is a racist and not in the way you've always assumed. Obama may hate White people. He certainly seems to, but he also demands to live around them and only them. But the Obamas, to be fair, are not alone in this. His friends at the news networks in Washington, New York and Los Angeles feel exactly the same way because they're exactly the same sort of people. CNN, for example, spent the day interviewing people connected in some way to Martha's Vineyard. Turns out that precisely none of them were excited about the planeload of Venezuelans. One of them, the state rep for the island, even blamed this show for the sudden blessed surge in diversity. Watch this.
DYLAN FERNANDES: Ron DeSantis and Republicans might want to play political games with people's lives. I believe that's incredibly inhumane to be using women and children and families as a political pawn that you’re going to talk about on "Tucker Carlson" and pretend to be tough on immigration.
Wow. So, see if you can follow the argument here. When penniless illegal aliens show up in Brownsville, Texas, one of the poorest cities in the United States, they are noble strivers. They're looking for a better life in this country, and we applaud them. "Good luck in Brownsville, newly arrived immigrants," but when these very same people jump the moat and get a free flight to Martha's Vineyard, it's something else entirely. It is, as the state rep just told you, "playing political games with people's lives" because it's dangerous. These immigrants could wander into a clambake by accident or worse, much worse.
Earlier today, CNN anchor John Berman (who just got fired, by the way, this morning. This morning!) John Berman interviewed noted filmmaker Ken Burns. Burns is famous, but sad, exactly the kind of middle-aged prestige hound who spends an awful lot of time looming around Martha's Vineyard looking for other famous people. Burns has a new film out that blames the United States, of all countries on Earth, for the Holocaust.
Now that the World War II generation has passed, Ken Burns can do that. There's no chance angry veterans will show up at his house and beat him with their canes for besmirching the memory of their closest friends who died in the early twenties fighting the Nazis. So, Ken Burns can say whatever he wants, and he will believe him. So, this morning, Burns played the role of Holocaust expert on CNN and you know what Ken Burns has discovered? Ken Burns has discovered that Ron DeSantis sending illegal aliens to Martha's Vineyard is pretty much exactly what Hitler did, pretty much exactly. Watch this.
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JOHN BERMAN: All of your documentaries are about history, but all of them also make you think about where we are now and we woke up to the news this morning that Governor Ron DeSantis of Florida sent two plane loads of migrants to Martha's Vineyard off the coast of Massachusetts and kids and whatnot and I'm not saying this is not a one-for-one. This is not a parallel here in any way, but it does address some of the same themes.
KEN BURNS: This is coming straight out of the authoritarian playbook. This is what's so disturbing about DeSantis is to use human beings, to weaponize human beings for a political purpose.
Do you hear that, ladies and gentlemen? It's literally – literally – just like the Holocaust. Edgartown is Dachau. Oak Bluffs is Treblinka. The horrors! This is genocide and it may be, but of course, everything is relative. Martha's Vineyard may be a modern-day death camp, but compared to where illegal aliens usually go, it doesn't look that bad. Let's compare just for fun. On your screen, you will see images recently shot in America's border towns, which are now completely overrun under Joe Biden's immigration policy. You will know this if you look carefully chaos, violence and filth.
Now we will take you to Martha's Vineyard. It's hellish, perhaps, but in a very different way—families eating together on balconies overlooking the water, women doing their shopping in a quaint little town on bicycles, couples strolling along the boardwalk, sailboats. It doesn't look that bad. Oh, but that's exactly the problem the media told us today. Martha's Vineyard may seem like one of the richest places on the planet, but somehow – somehow – there aren't enough social services there. It's bereft of social services, unlike Brownsville.
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CBS News put it "Martha's Vineyard is not an urban metropolitan area with a robust social services infrastructure. There's no Justice Department immigration court where the migrants can attend asylum hearings. There's no ICE field office for migrants can check in" now, but you see, Martha's Vineyard is in "an urban area" with a "robust social services infrastructure" that other people get to deal with and honestly, that's true and it's kind of the whole idea.
That's why DeSantis sent the illegal aliens to Martha's Vineyard. People who make and advocate for certain policies should at some point have to live with those policies, but until now, they haven't had to. Bill Gates goes to Martha's Vineyard. So does Oprah, James Taylor, Spike Lee, Amy Schumer, and many more and all of them. Every one is a much better person than you are because they support diversity and now for the first time, they're going to have some diversity.
But it's just the beginning. Martha's Vineyard will need many, many more illegal aliens, tens of housands more, until the island is no longer majority White. Only then can it be a good place. Yet, at the same time, the people who currently go to Martha's Vineyard are going to have to keep going there. They can't run away to somewhere else. That would be immoral. It would be, as Michelle Obama has told us, "White flight." Now massive demographic change will obviously make Martha's Vineyard a very different sort of place, but that's okay. Change is good. Anyone who fears change is racist. We know that for sure because they told us that for years.
"Where," you may ask, "will all these new people live on such a small island?" Simple. First, they can occupy Barack Obama's compound. There is no reason Obama needs that much space. Nobody needs that much space. You could probably fit a dozen immigrant families in Barack Obama's pool house and another five or six in the pantry. Keep going. Build a soccer field on the lawn, an outdoor goat barbecue by the back door and bingo, you've got affordable housing, but it won't be enough.
The vineyard is going to need to construct shantytowns for all these new people, but we can't call them shantytowns. Obviously, that's demeaning. So, we're going to call them townships after Obama's favorite country and they're going to give them dignified names that suggest some kind of victory over adversity: Mandela, Cesar Chavezville, Kamala-apolis.
Now, inside each one we will put a plaque with that famous Emma Lazarus poem, just so that everybody knows that these are not ordinary favelas. These are moral victories. As the signs say in Martha's Vineyard to this day, "No human is illegal. Love is love." That's just science.
But speaking of science, what will the environmental impact of all this new development be? That's a massive concern of Martha's Vineyard and for good reason, but in this case, it's not a concern. None of these new townships will have running water or electricity. So, by definition, they will be carbon-neutral. It'll be part of the Green Revolution.
Local law enforcement services won't be strained either because they won't be needed. None of these new arrivals will be bound by local laws. Why would they be? They ignored federal law to get here. There's no reason that they should have to observe the vineyard's ordinances against, say, drunk driving or defecating in public and just in case, there are still vineyarders who think they have the right to protect what they own, think again, people. We refer you to the case of the fascist McCloskey family in St. Louis who once tried that, tried to defend what's theirs, and they got indicted for it, so that's not allowed. But we can't fully trust you. Somebody's going to have to go door to door to make sure that not one person on Martha's Vineyard keeps a gun at home because self-defense can be tempting even for Democratic voters.
There's a lot of change for the Vineyard and they're going to start work soon. The summer season begins on Memorial Day. So, when Amy Schumer shows up to her place in June, she better be ready to find an illegal alien family using her bath towels. Yes, she will and let's hope she doesn't complain about it, because as Joe Biden often reminds us, illegal immigration is a gift.
PRESIDENT BIDEN: Guess what? They're the reason why, the legal as well as undocumented, they're the reason why our society is functioning, the reason why our economy is growing. We don't talk about that. We stand up and act like it's a burden. It is not a burden. It's a gift.
Hear that? Hear that? Illegal immigration is not a burden. It's a gift, dumbo. So, Martha's Vineyard received an enormous gift last night. Think of it like a perpetual Christmas, but noisier. And you can't beat the timing. As Karine Jean-Pierre just reminded us today at the White House, it's Hispanic Heritage Month. Perfect, so roll with it, Martha's Vineyard. Things are about to change a lot for you, but that's OK.
Radical, destructive change is the essence of anti-racism, and as you've told us so many times, you support anti-racism, lest we need to remind you and, in any case, pretty soon you'll have no memory of the way things were before. Martha's Vineyard will feel and look just like El Paso and that will all seem normal to you. "What's El Paso like?" you wonder. Haven't been there lately? OK. Well, here's some recent pictures.
REPORTER LIANNA GOLDEN: I want to show you an exact look of what we're seeing out here. We're right next to the Greyhound bus station where, as we've been telling you for days now, migrants, mostly a large group of Venezuelans, have been using this area as a temporary camp and a home. Now, take a look at this video from earlier this morning and overnight where you can see migrants have set up sleeping arrangements on cardboard and mattresses in this same spot here outside the bus station. Dagostino and other city leaders, said their number one priority is to avoid people on the streets, but since CBP has been so overwhelmed with the large numbers coming in, they have been forced to release as such. As more and more people have been on the streets in recent days, sanitation and cleanliness have become a concern out here. We're not seeing any porta potties or temporary toilet showers or sinks and as you can imagine, the smell is beginning to add up.
Oh, wow. Look, El Paso has Venezuelans, too, and that's why tonight it's redolent of diversity, brimming with the gift of illegal immigration. That'll be Edgartown, Massachusetts soon but we can't stop there. Why would we? If we're really going to make Martha's Vineyard look like the world, the people who vacation on Martha's Vineyard have created for the rest of us, we're going to need to import graffiti artists, armed robbers and subway rapists and the drug addicted homeless community, many, many of those and their tents.
Why should they be living outside your house when they could be camped on Barack Obama's $12 million lawn? That seems fair. Why isn't it fair? Well, unfortunately, don't expect Obama to see it the same way. He is a racist as we've established, and so apparently are his fellow liberals. They are outraged by the idea of illegal aliens near their island vacation homes. Before long, they'll be tweeting in solidarity with the Vineyard's White community. "Hashtag, I stand with Martha's Vineyard." Little Island emojis in their bios. Hilarious. That could actually happen, by the way, because in the end, liberals really do stand with Martha's Vineyard against everyone else and honestly, on some level, we can kind of understand why.
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If we're being honest, we don't want to see Martha's Vineyard trashed. We're Americans and Martha's Vineyard is a beautiful place. It's a sin to destroy beautiful things always. Unfortunately, and this really is the point, Martha's Vineyard is one of a dwindling number of beautiful places left in our country. Martha's Vineyard is what most of America once was not all that long ago—small, socially cohesive, orderly, safe with traditional human-centered architecture and big stretches of nature, unspoiled by industrial wind farms and dollar stores.
The people who live in Martha's Vineyard now didn't build any of that. The people who did build it are long gone, along with the attitudes and values that made it possible. The people who live there now just came for the nostalgia and all that's left really are the buildings and the beaches, but still you'd hate to see them wrecked.
On the other hand, at this point, we may have no choice. No sane country would allow millions of foreign nationals to walk across its borders illegally and then immediately give them government benefits in exchange for mocking our rule of law. No one would ever do that. It is suicide. Over time, it will destroy the United States. Everyone can see that, no matter what they say, but the people who vacation on Martha's Vineyard don't care. They are making this possible. They support it. They vote for it. They fund it, and they can do all of that because they are so insulated from the effects of Joe Biden's lunatic immigration policies that none of it matters to them. The country collapses? Big deal. They live on an island. but to the rest of us, it is a big deal. This is our country. We were born here. We planned to die here. We have nowhere else to go, and we don't want to live in a slum. Maybe Martha's Vineyard will finally understand.
